49 degrees latitude, 360 degrees attitude!

13th March 2014

Quote

Bertney’s Smurkurr
A Vroom! Vroom! Story For Early Readers

Bertney loved her new Smurkurr.
“It’s like driving a soder can!” she told Papa the day he brought it home.
At first, she wasn’t happy that her old car had to go away, but Papa said he was tired of burying bodies out by the pool and it was time to get her something safer. Bertney didn’t know what any of those words meant, so she was very sad and confused. But then she saw her tiny little special car and instantly felt better.
“First stop, Furnch fries!” she squealed as she waved both hands out the window.
While she waited for Mr. David to get in (Bertney was never allowed to be alone. Papa’s rules.) Bertney imagined herself in the drive-thru beeping at all the other cars that would surely be jealous of her Smurkurr.
“I sure wish I was so teeny-tiny,” Bertney imagined them saying. “Why I bet that Smurkurr can fit in a pocket. I’ve never been in a pocket!”
Soon, Mr. David got in, but he didn’t seem happy at all about Bertney’s Smurkurr. He liked that it couldn’t go very fast on account of he was afeared of dying, but he sure used an awful lot of cuss words about how hard it’d be to put his wiener fry in her special place with so little room.
“So no doodly-diddles?” Bertney asked while trying not to look happy. Mr. David loved his doodly-diddles.
“No doodly-diddles,” Mr. David angrily. “And I paid your Papa good money.”
Bertney didn’t like the sound of that. But she did like the sound of the drive-thru window opening up for milkshakes! This was the bestest day ever.
“I love you, Smurkurr.”

THE END

This writer is a genius.

Tagged: celebritycelebmediawtfwords

24th February 2014

Link reblogged from Gawker Dating Manqué with 1 note

Enough Garmonbozia For a Lifetime.... →

gawkerdating:

____________________________________________________________

Diane, I really need some help on this one.

No, I’m not stuck in the Black Lodge or possessed again. I’m just starting to get lonely on my endless assignment in this weird, remote place.

Sometimes I’m romantically pursued by…

Never Forget! Laura Palmer RIP Feb 24.

Tagged: Twin Peaksawesomedatingwtf

31st January 2014

Photoset reblogged from with 438,160 notes

leonardodicrapio:

Leonardo DiCaprio gets attacked by a penguin during a trip to Antarctica in 2006

Sweet jesus how I love this. Penguin is all “Mission Accomplished, Tango Down”

Tagged: celebwtf

Source: leonardodicrapio

30th January 2014

Photo reblogged from Retrogasm with 370 notes

retrogasm:

The Bat Computer Never Lies

Oh my god this is going to be the biggest seller on AspieDate.com!

retrogasm:

The Bat Computer Never Lies

Oh my god this is going to be the biggest seller on AspieDate.com!

Tagged: datingbatmanwtfvalentinelovesingles

30th January 2014

Photo reblogged from flavorpill with 7 notes

flavorpill:

Creepy My Little Pony guest stars! Feels! Bitchy high school seniors! “Journalism”! This round of links has everything!
You Will Never See ‘My Little Pony’ the Same Way: Links You Need to See

flavorpill:

Creepy My Little Pony guest stars! Feels! Bitchy high school seniors! “Journalism”! This round of links has everything!

You Will Never See ‘My Little Pony’ the Same Way: Links You Need to See

Tagged: bronywtf

23rd January 2014

Link with 1 note

http://bits.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/01/22/big-web-crash-in-china-experts-suspect-great-firewall/ →

China’s internet was diverted to a small building in Wyoming on Tuesday.

Tagged: socmedwtfcyberwarChinahackers

23rd January 2014

Link

Sex with Glance. - See both views, seamlessly. →

Oh man, this is super-creepy. Have sex with somebody else while watching yourself. I bet Charlie Sheen has this already.

Tagged: sexwtfgoogle glass

21st January 2014

Post reblogged from Prosign - cool stuff we've done and seen with 70,128 notes

Someone has made fake London Underground signs, and whoever did it is a ruddy genius.

jakbowler:

http://imgur.com/a/lUWTG

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

Tagged: wtftravel

Source: jakwith0utthec

18th January 2014

Link

Lucy Mangan: all hail the pay-per-minute cafe →

Bums in seats

Tagged: capitalismdrinkwtf

18th January 2014

Photo

http://gawker.com/english-motherfucker-do-you-speak-it-1503778252

http://gawker.com/english-motherfucker-do-you-speak-it-1503778252

Tagged: gifwtfsharksceleb

13th January 2014

Link

Burgers →

FRACTAL CHEESEBURGERS!!! I! CAN! HAS!

Tagged: foodwtfgifawesomedd

7th January 2014

Link reblogged from Bastards of Fashion with 4 notes

….And I'm Done. →

bastardsoffashion:

Take a long hard look at the bottle of whiskey below this text and take a guess as to how much it’s worth. image

If you guessed around $130,000 you’d be correct! The whole set is $1.6 million dollars for 12 bottles of whiskey and it comes in a wooden cabinet so you can presumably…

Tagged: boozewtfluxe

7th January 2014

Link with 1 note

Man 'tried to have sex with drinks trolley' →

Sexy, sexy food porn!

Tagged: foodwtfsexcrime

6th January 2014

Photoset reblogged from HELLO MUTHAFUCKAS with 2,008 notes

Tagged: gifsherlockdrinkwtf

Source: moonchild30

4th January 2014

Photo reblogged from Space Ghost Zombie with 657 notes

When dating sites get it SERIOUSLY wrong.

When dating sites get it SERIOUSLY wrong.

Tagged: datingcelebwtfsuperheroes