After a while, the condition gets so bad that your entire head has transformed into the head of a newborn baby. But you still have a man body so it makes it so you lose your job. Because who wants to buy anything from a man with a baby head?
On the sidewalk one day, you happen upon a partially unattended baby in a buggy. You lift the baby out of the buggy and as a joke you shout, “This is my baby! See? He even looks like me!”
The bystanders scream and then a few of them try to physically detain you, but they do so cautiously because you’re still holding the baby. By flexing your abs, you are able to soften the blows to your lower back and midsection, but after a while you lose focus and the baby is pried from your grasp. You slink to the concrete and a taser meant for your thigh instead strikes you in the mouth.
The next morning you wake up in a hospital. Was it all a dream?
New VOD, Swamp of the Ravens, available now! http://www.rifftrax.com/vod/swamp-ravens
Yes, it’s an utterly baffling horror film about a mad doctor who believes death is simply an evolution and that every woman wants to sleep with him. Yes, he is laughed out of the academy and moves his decency-defying research to a swamp in Ecuador, as one does. Yes, he’s investigated by a sheriff who can only be described as a chunk of swarthy walking meat, and who also believes that every woman wants to sleep with him.
But MORE THAN ANY OF THIS, Swamp of the Ravens is a vehicle for an original song about being in love with a dead robot that will change the way you view songs, movies, songs in movies, robots, dead robots, living robots, and love itself. Seriously, we haven’t been so infatuated with a song since Damien Carter taught us all about “Hangin’ Out With [His] Family” in Birdemic, and we know you’ll love it just as much as we do. You poor souls.
Oh and also, there are no ravens in the titular raven swamp. Just buzzards. Really, it’s a heck of a movie.
So grab the dead robot you love most and join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for Swamp of the Ravens! No ravens required!
some people get confused if a sentence does not end as they potato.
Kids! Put these on and steal cookies from tall people. Do it now.
I suppose somewhere there’s a jilted cartographer or something.
I did not make this,just .GIF’d dat mo’fucka.
My brother saved this document and everytime he gets angry at our neighbours for being loud he prints it to their wireless printer and you can hear the wife shout “Why the fuck would you print this AGAIN?!” to her son.
This is the best.
PUNCH AND JACK KETCH
Shit be cray.
had to reblog this
Fuckin’ cats, man.
A little lady was standing right outside the open gate.
Hans Tegner, from Andersenovy pohádky (Andersen’s Fairy Tales) vol. 3, by Hans Christian Andersen, Prague, 1902.
What the HELL did they do with the little old lady????????
look at Jacob checking out the goods
I’m not gonna slut-shame him. Who wouldn’t?
Oh, this must be the KING of OKCupid
Sometimes during an open-air cat toss, the bride can get a little too enthusiastic.
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