dog on skis via
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Dogs might fly … if they’re as excited about the year’s first snowfall as jack russell Alfie in County Durham Photograph: Paul Kingston / NNP/North News & Pictures Ltd
WHICH ONE IS COPYING WHICH? U DECIDE!
Courtney Sodden, I want a statue of your likeness over looking my estate some day. You are an aggressively sexual human poodle who is boning a barely famous pervert. God bless your every move. You look like a biker mom in her 50s who picks up dudes at Long Horn Steak Houses in the suburbs. Part of me wants to drown you, and another part of me wants to be your best friend.
“I’ve seen some things, man. Terrible things. Things you wouldn’t even understand”-Vietnam Ror
WELCOME HOME. I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT BE IN A BAD MOOD FROM WORKING SO HARD SO I CREATED MANY FUN SURPRISES FOR YOU ALL OVER THE HOUSE.
SEVERAL SURPRISES WERE MADE INSIDE MY OWN BODY, WHICH IS VERY CLOSE TO MY HEART, SPATIALLY.
SEVERAL OTHERS ARE ART PROJECTS I MADE USING SIMPLE HOUSEHOLD ITEMS LIKE YOUR TRASH, THE FLAVORLESS MARSHMALLOW STUFF INSIDE THE COUCH, AND THE CONTENTS OF THE PANTRY.
THANK YOU FOR NOT SHUTTING THE PANTRY DOOR, BY THE WAY. THERE WERE SO MANY USEFUL ART SUPPLIES IN THERE.
Hey friends, you should all watch this banjo-playing dachshund.
Many animal-rights groups also contacted me, wanting to intervene (however, the keepers have permits from the Nigerian government). When I asked Nigerians, “How do you feel about the way they treat animals”, the question confused people. Their responses always involved issues of economic survival. Seldom did anyone express strong concern for the well-being of the creatures. Europeans invariably only ask about the welfare of the animals but this question misses the point. Instead, perhaps, we could ask why these performers need to catch wild animals to make a living. Or why they are economically marginalised. Or why Nigeria, the world’s sixth largest exporter of oil, is in such a state of disarray.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, TRIGGER. ARE THOSE ORGANIC VEGETABLES? IS THAT GRASS-FED FREE-RANGE BEEF?
ANDREA! ANDREA, GET IN HERE! YOUR CRAZY BOYFRIEND THINKS HE’S ACTUALLY GOING TO COOK IN OUR RUSTIC KITCHEN!
COME ON, MAN. WE SPENT LIKE … THREE YEARS GETTING EVERYTHING IN THIS HOUSE TO LOOK LIKE STILLS FROM AN L.L. BEAN CATALOG. YOU DON’T ACTUALLY THINK WE SIT ON THE COUCHES OR SHIT IN THE TOILET, DO YOU? THAT’S WHAT STARBUCKS IS FOR. GO ON. GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE YOU DROP A LEEK ON THE GRANITE FLOOR TILING.
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